Why you aint tell me you SHORT?

So last night I had a date.
-sigh-

When I met this dude a couple of weeks ago he was: lookin' riiiiight like steak & rice.
Pretty hazel eyes & light-skinned eventhough I prefer dark-skinned men, but this dude was just sexy.

Now, when we met he was wearing Timbs ( Timberland boots for the slow ones) & I was wearing flats. This bit of information will be relevant in a minute.

Patience grasshoppers, patience.

Anyways, we started talking & he gave me his number (I don't give out my number).

I called him a couple of days later.
We spoke & he seemed normal enough for me to go somewhere with him.
Everything was candy.

So he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with him & I said yes.

This is where shit starts to get funny, & not funny "ha ha".
But funny like when something smells funny & you make that face. . .you know?
I had that face from the beginning of the night.

First he calls me and tells me he's downstairs. . .I come out of my building & he's in a cab.
-insert funny smell face-

I had assumed this dude had a car. . .I was wrong.

Not that there's anything wrong with not owning a car, I don't have a car but that's mostly because I have failed my driving test twice.

But back to the story. . .I get in the cab & his breathe has filled the back of that car with the smell of boiled eggs or some horrible shit like that.
-insert funny smell face-

I offered him some Orbit & he happily accepted.
I gave him two sticks hoping he would eat both of them.
But he put one in his pocket.

Which was a good idea because that horrid stench might wake back up.
Orbit is good but I think he needed to gargle for about 15mins with a bottle of Extra Stregth Listerine, brush his teeth, floss & scrape his tongue.

We get to the movie theatre & when I step out of the car & stand next to him I make an awful discovery. . .he's short.
-insert funny smell face-

I was in disbelief, but then I realized that he had been wearing Timbs when we ment & I had been wearing flats. Timbs have like a 4inch heel.
I had been hoodwinked.

I'm a pretty upfront person. . .I have to say what's on my mind or it's going to bug me forever.
So as we're walking towards the theatre I ask him how tall he is.

5'8
-insert funny smell face-

Let me just clarify that I'm 5'6 & I don't deal with men that are shorter than 6ft.
I'll let 5'10 slide, but 5'8????
Good Day Sir!

Try to get in the theatre & come to find out that they're closed & the last showing of "Righteous Kill" ( which I seriously need to see) had started like a half hour ago.
-sigh-

We end up going to a bar to have a couple of drinks.

This man takes his hat off & I cannot for the life of me locate a hairline.
I am in awe at the size of this man's head.
It's looks like a lumpy cantaloupe, but it also has slight dents.
And his hairline is completely missing, but he does have hair.
Not quite waves, but he's trying.
I can tell he sleeps with a wave cap on, but it's just not working out the way it should.
-insert attempting to hold in laughter face here-

I pray he puts his hat back on & he does.
I smile.

It gets better boys & girls.
He's a total alchi (alcoholic for the slow ones).
I was still on my 1st drink when he was ordering his 3rd.
-insert funny smell face-

This dude is in this bar acting a muthafukkin fool!!
I was so embarrassed I wanted to cry & cut him.

He's talkin extra loud, keeps asking the bartender if he can smoke a cigarette which is a no-no in N.Y bars & he knows this.
Looking at dudes trying his best to appear menacing, but no such luck.
Remember. . .he's 5'8.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and take a break to stand in the mirror and ask myself why the fukk I'm still here.

I get back & he has a brand new drink in front of him & an empty shot glass as well.
"Um. . .you sneaking shots when I get up?"

-insert funny smell face-

As I sit down he starts slurring about some dude following me into the bathroom & if I knew him & if I was trying to slide off with this dude behind his back.
-insert funny smell face here-

WTF?????
I don't even know what this man is talking about.

The restrooms in this bar are behind a single door, but when you go through those doors the mens room is on the right & the little girl's room is on the left.
So everyone has to go through the same door.

I told him to simmer down & swallow his 5th drink.
It's going to be okay

This is where the Napoleon Complex kicks in.
Dude tries to make a scene talkin about how I'm trying to disrespect him.
He's puffing his chest out & a vein on his forehead is fully exposed.
-insert "Fukk this shit, I'm out" face here-

I get up & walk out.

I don't need that shit & I don't play that shit.

I refuse to let a man embarass me in public or even in privacy.
Especially a man that's not even tall enough to be considered a threat.

I don't know what happened to him after I left & I really don't care.

Needless to say he's been texting & calling me non-stop.
No answer.